Heat Wave and Disappointments

Ugh. That is the word of the day. It’s hot, we are having a heat wave this weekend. Highs in the 30C area, at night it’s about 15-20C. Wreaks havoc with my chronic illness. The kids had a rough week, the older is still having sleeping/eating/meltdown issues as well as teething (he lost his first tooth and the adult tooth replacing it is coming in fast), the younger is teething and growing so eating and waking a lot. My Mom brought me her old mobility scooter now that we’ve moved and have the space to store it, that’s been very helpful. It helped me get out to see her yesterday for her birthday. It’s now been a week since my surgery, healing is slow as I expected it to be (there’s a whole post in the works for that). I’m having issues getting up and down the stairs today. We got a good walk in though to loosen things up. There is a family gathering tonight that I completely forgot about that we aren’t going to. This has upset people greatly. I hate how taking care of myself leads to unhappiness and disappointment in others, let alone myself. I’m enjoying the time with my husband and kids today but I’m really unhappy about people being unhappy with me for taking care of myself. Well they aren’t unhappy with me personally, at least I hope not. Just sad about the situation. Thing is this same person gives me crap for not getting enough rest and self care and whatnot. Just feels like I can’t make anyone happy, least of all myself.
I’m seriously considering medication for depression again. Probably Wellbutrin since it will help with the smoking. I also need something for my Fibromyalgia, and need to discuss my worsening joint pain and such. My rheumatologist moved my May appointment to August. It will be almost a year between appointments. I am not pleased with my current quality of care. I can’t even find a family doctor close to my new home, I don’t think finding a new rheumatologist is going to be any easier. I need a vacation from life or something. 

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January 1st, 2017

A new year and my usual “resolution” to write more often. We’ll see how it goes this this time.

Pain: 6-7

I’m trying to be more accurate with my pain scale. 1 being negligible pain and 10 being bed ridden. Well as bed ridden as I can be with two kids. My daughter decided to show up four weeks early on November 25th, 2016. Outside of some issues regulating her blood sugar in the first 24 hours and 4 day stay in the hospital for jaundice treatment she is good and healthy. She was 6lbs 7oz, only 8oz lighter then her brother but seems so much smaller. Breast feeding is going really well, WAY better then it went with my son, which is doing my mental state some good. We’ve had A LOT of out of the ordinary weather, a lot of arctic outflow reaching is and giving us a good amount of snow. We did our best not to overdo it with visits over the holidays and are trying not to overdo the newborn visits as well. Folks can come here if they want to see her. I’ve been feeling really awful the last few days, my pain levels are down at least. It’s a combination of a lot of factors, taking care of a newborn and a four year old adjusting to a newborn, holiday stress (positive and negative stress), weather patterns, eating a whole bunch of crunchy food that seriously pissed off my jaw(arthritis and TMJ). I’m utterly exhausted, easily irritated. My body has a “pain pulse”, pain pulses through my joints and muscles like a heart beat. My reproductive psychiatrist is confident I am not showing signs of Post Partem Depression but we need to make sure I’m okay. She reccomends better self care, counseling, and if needed I can bump my Paxil up from 40mg a day to 50mg. I’m seriously considering bumping it up today. I’m doing a bit better with self care. We have dinner at my parents later, which as much as I don’t want to leave the house it will be nice to see them and not have to make dinner. There will also be presents which is fun. I’m hoping my feeling awful isn’t the start of the post pregnancy flare up. I was hoping that awfulness would wait until the three month mark like it did with my son. I’m hoping to do some posts this year that aren’t just my daily log. We’ll see what I can come up with.

Eye Twitch = Stress

I get this twitch in my eyelid when I’m stressed, sometimes both eyelids. It drives me bonkers. The weather is kicking my butt right now and that coupled with married life with a toddler and the usual daily struggles of life and things get a little hairy. Yuletide is coming as well, which unfortunately is quite stressful for me. Blarg!