Rough day so far. Autoimmune flare. Breathing is problematic. Pluerisy. Coughing. Shortness of breath. The only good thing about it is it makes my already sexy phone voice more husky, so possibly more sexy?
Immune system is being a shit and not letting things heal. Anemia is manifesting, it was made worse with this last menstrual cycle. Heavy. Like elevator doors from The Shining. Clots. Flooding. Likely contributing to that air starved feeling. Fighting a bladder infection that I initially thought was an International Cystitis flare. Second one I have had since I went into isolation. Fuck you Covid, for so many reasons.
Processing grief. Rummaged about in my Other Mum’s craft room and brought her serger sewing machine home. Also an encyclopedia on Needlework techniques. I feel like a thief. Her spirit insists I am not, and logically I know this. Grief is a bitch though. As is accepting and processing hard feelings. Thank every God that has ever existed for therapy. I would be a royal mess right now without the skills I learnt in the last two years.
Tears. Lots of tears. Freely flowing. Which has been hard to come by the last few months. I may still hate crying but I have fully accepted how helpful it is for me in processing my emotions. Tears help your brain get rid of excess brain chemicals. ADHD means when I have emotions, of any kind, they are literally bigger. Higher levels of the brain chemicals associated with said emotions. So crying literally helps get rid of the emotions I am processing.
I get to wear my new shirt though. I don’t ever want to take it off. Made it with my bestie, yesterday. Favourite style of shirt, thanks to my other bestie for picking it out, AND camo print. Totally my jam. Witches. Pretty ladies. Red. Sparkles. Deliciousness. It’s seriously the best.
Since solids are problematic before noon I made my version of bullet-proof coffee. Ups the calories. Lactose-free 10% coffee cream heated in the microwave, a tablespoon of butter, froth with an Aerolatte for as long as I can stand it. Pour into coffee. Add cinnamon. Stir. Enjoy. Delicious. Self-care. It is a lot of steps though so my executive function isn’t always feeling up to it.
The kiddo’s put the new She-ra on again so that’s fantastic. I have also been unintentionally off of my psych meds for a week now. Issues with the pharmacy and clinic communicating about my refill. Currently awaiting a phone call from the clinic to get the refill sent to the pharmacy. Bleh.
I remember as a child, the joy of leaping from trees, that high of free fall, the solid thud when my feet hit the ground. While I have never liked falling, it never used to slow me down. When my disorders flared and kicked in falls became devastating. My first serious fall was the first year I lived in Surrey. I was trying out for track and field, the relay race, and totally bailed into the gravel. It was my right knee that failed me then. I started seeing doctors shortly after that, I was 14 I believe.
Last night I had my first serious fall inside. I have bailed a few times when wandering about the forest and stuff but most of those could be traced back to a physical object of some sort making my uncooperative meatsuit fail.
Last night all I did was lift up onto the ball of my right foot to climb up onto my very high bed.
I felt my ankle give, it’s not an unfamiliar feeling. Since I severely sprained it dog walking it’s always been extra pissy. The issues with my metatarsal joints just made worse by my defective connective tissue being stretched out more by the injury. So that didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was landing on my back on the floor. Usually I can compensate and kind of bypass it, kind of hauling myself up with brute strength.
I guess the combination of barometric pressure crash, plus exhaustion, plus everything flaring…but yeah. Regardless I hit the floor hard and while I have no bruises I am tender, both physically and mentally. I needed to use my cane in the house for the first time. Which also happens to be the first time I have used the cane I got from my Uncle, who passed away in November.
I had a good cry about it then put the new rubber bottom on. It’s a lot nicer to use than my all metal one, I assume because the wood absorbs some of the shock. I’m going to have to talk to the doctor about this ankle. Since getting my orthotics the ankle pain is rare. Obviously now I know it’s still fucky and I might need more effective hardware to protect the joint.
Content warnings: blood, intimate details of my nether regions, urine
Things have been epically stressful in my life since June 24th.
I thought I was taking enough care with what I was eating and drinking. After all, it’s been YEARS LITERALLY since my Interstitial Cystitis was any sort of issue. It’s been so long I had to look up relief methods.
The flare isn’t entirely unexpected, but it still caught me a bit off guard. Symptoms include high pain levels (ache/burn) in my nether regions and lower abdomen, bladder spasms, urgency, light bleeding.
I have medicating with CBD/THC, acetaminophen, naproxen, and cyclobenzaprine. Drinking lots of water. Avoiding all trigger foods.
Those red lines? Those are the paths my pain is following right now. It radiates out as well.
That dot? It feels like I’ve been impaled with a spear at that spot, and the spear is still there.
They tell me this is a fun combination of spinal compression, shitty connective tissue, and the nerve centre in my upper back being all fucked up. The “dot” is where a bunch of scar tissue hangs out from an work accident from years ago.
Meds so far today: Tylenol Arthritis, Naproxen, Cyclobenzaprine, CBD’s.
After my last appointment with my rheumy I’ve learnt how to identify all three types of pain I have now. Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Connective Tissue. Lately it’s been the ligaments, connective tissues, skin, and such that are painful. It’s particularly bad today. A 7-8 on the scale. I’ve managed to get myself and the kids dressed and fed, gone to the clinic and pharmacy. Rather proud of myself for that. Still have some grocery shopping to do and getting the boy child his haircut for impending kindergarten.
I’ve taken all the pain meds I can. I’m thinking I might need to take a dose of cyclobenzaprine. This would involve weaning immediately though and I’m undecided if I’m up for that. Fuck it hurts though.
Edited to add: Did some very gentle hip opening stretching, did get a small amount of relief for a moderate period of time. Also did some stretches for my neck/t-zone that a physical therapist taught me when I was pregnant with Fintan.
Pretty awful today overall. A lot of myofacial pain, some joint pain. Joint pain on the right side; wrist, hip, ankle. My spine, t-zone included, also bad. Nausea, hot/cold flashes, sweats, sinus congestion, mucousy cough lingers. Nerve/spine pain is bad right this second. My jaw has been very painful, a headache accompanies this of course. There was some major upheavals yesterday, I’m guessing that’s why I feel extra awful today. Stupid stress hormones.
Still managed to care for two kids mostly myself, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, also got a nap thanks to my spouse. Oh and Little Bug (the baby) woke up at 3am and didn’t really go back to sleep. She’s a handful right now. Four months old today, so she is hitting a growth spurt plus sleep regression and teething. Plus my son has been acting out more due to the changes. Still seriously considering getting him assessed. He’s been having bad screaming fits when upset/angry/frustrated. He’s a great big brother, I’m really proud of him.
I have a good friend coming to visit tomorrow. We’ve managed to hang out almost every Sunday for the past month and a bit. Mainly because they come here. So that will be nice. Kidlets will be off visiting with my parents.