March 25th, 2017

Edited to add: Did some very gentle hip opening stretching, did get a small amount of relief for a moderate period of time. Also did some stretches for my neck/t-zone that a physical therapist taught me when I was pregnant with Fintan. 
Pretty awful today overall. A lot of myofacial pain, some joint pain. Joint pain on the right side; wrist, hip, ankle. My spine, t-zone included, also bad. Nausea, hot/cold flashes, sweats, sinus congestion, mucousy cough lingers. Nerve/spine pain is bad right this second. My jaw has been very painful, a headache accompanies this of course. There was some major upheavals yesterday, I’m guessing that’s why I feel extra awful today. Stupid stress hormones.

Still managed to care for two kids mostly myself, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, also got a nap thanks to my spouse. Oh and Little Bug (the baby) woke up at 3am and didn’t really go back to sleep. She’s a handful right now. Four months old today, so she is hitting a growth spurt plus sleep regression and teething. Plus my son has been acting out more due to the changes. Still seriously considering getting him assessed. He’s been having bad screaming fits when upset/angry/frustrated. He’s a great big brother, I’m really proud of him.

I have a good friend coming to visit tomorrow. We’ve managed to hang out almost every Sunday for the past month and a bit. Mainly because they come here. So that will be nice. Kidlets will be off visiting with my parents. 

Hopefully I feel less like shit tomorrow.

July 15th, 2013

Things have been busy. The Little Man is walking and getting into everything. It’s also summer which means camping trips and such. I was feeling really good with all this heat. I did my best not to complain because it got REALLY hot REALLY fast. Something has gone funny under the surface though. It’s still warm but things feel broken again. I am seriously thinking about investing in a barometre so I get some warning at least. The burning pain of the infamous “T-Zone” has been mild. Hands/wrists, hips, ankles and feet have been bad. The second joint of my right big toe, the Medial Cuneiform, hurts A LOT and makes walking an interesting adventure…here’s a picture:anat13afoot


My shoulders have been pretty bad this week too. My right one is particularly pissed off, I did something to it picking up the boychild last night. I’ve been experimenting with only taking my afternoon dose of Lyrica if I feel crappy. Not sure of that’s affecting how sore I’ve been lately or not. Either way, it sucks. The Psoriasis on my head is getting pretty bad, I can actually see the red scaly spots now.


**TRIGGER WARNING** This post contains details of child illness and emergency situations.

I think I’m finally starting to decompress from the crisis my family had this week. I’m writing it out here in an effort to ease the anxiety and stop the impending panic attack. I’m the Calm Centre of the Universe you see, everyone else around me gets to fall apart. I don’t. At least not at first. Takes a few days sometimes but it’s finally starting to slip out.

Yesterday my little family came home from the hospital. We had spent three days (two nights) there with my son.

It started off with coughing and sneezing on Wednesday, we were up all night with him crying almost non-stop. The crying all night bit has happened before when he was teething so I assumed it was his teeth again. By Thursday morning he was refusing to eat, refusing water and milk, all he wanted was to lay on my chest. He wasn’t wheezing, we’ve taken him in for wheezing before, he had been diagnosed with Bronchiolitis. He was definitely working very hard for breath though. When he wasn’t screaming (which was good in a way, at least he was getting that much air in) he was moaning with each breath. I called my hubby and he came home from work and off to emergency we went.

I walked into emergency, hubby had dropped me off and went to park the car. There was someone in front of me in triage and I had to resist screaming at them to hurry the fuck up. Fintan was crying and moaning and I was doing my best not to panic. Another nurse poked her head out and looked at me and quickly motioned me into one of the cubicles to get my info. She took the basics and then got up to take me directly into the back, which was terrifying, usually you sit for at least a good half hour before you get in. I figured we would be heading to the paediatric ward as usual but she took me directly to trauma and they whisked us into one of the beds. My hubby stood back, I stayed close since the little guy was at this point freaking out. Immediately there were three nurses examining him. Within five minutes there were three doctors as well. They worked quickly to get some medicine into him to open his airways and some tylenol for the high fever he was running. A few minutes after he was finished getting his first dose of Ventolin through this little mask, he looked like he was going to toss up the tylenol so I held him up. He gagged a few times and then went white…then ashen. They removed me from the bed right away. He was crashing. His oxygen saturation levels were at 84%, his heart rate was running between 200 and 210. To give some perspective on this, his normal heart rate is 120-130 and O2 saturation should be at 100%. If your saturation levels stay in the 80’s for too long you are looking at brain damage. He perked up almost immediately after they started poking at him and trying to rouse him and started screaming again which was very good. We thought he was going to die. I think that was the most terrifying moment of my life.

He was given two more doses of Ventolin as well as a liquid form of Flovent and we kept the oxygen mask on him. It took some time but eventually his saturation levels would stay at about 90-94% when you took the mask off and his heart rate dropped to about 190. They moved us up to the Paediatric Ward and put us into isolation and that’s where we spent the next two nights. I didn’t really sleep that first night. They were checking his vitals every hour and giving him Ventolin every four. He slept pretty much the whole night in fits and starts. My Mother and Mother in Law had come as soon as we told them what was going on. My Mother stayed with us until 8pm, my Dad showing up around 7pm. I think I would have lost my mind without her. By morning he was still breathing heavy but his heart rate had dropped to the 150-170 range. They had put him on oxygen the day before just to give him a helping hand. Mom came the next day to help out too.


Everything kind of blurs together now. A respiratory specialist came to see him at one point when the nurse thought she heard something funky while checking his lungs. He told us that he had Bronchiolitis as a child and that it eventually progressed into Asthma but that boys seemed to have a better chance of outgrowing it. Bronchiolitis is essentially baby Asthma. He took Fintan off the oxygen which was scary but fantastic all at the same time. The little man got progressively better, playing, eating more but still tiring really fast. He slept almost straight through that second night. Saturday morning the doctor came and told us that we could go home. We have Ventolin on hand to use as needed and he will be on Flovent for three weeks. These are both administered by puffers using a chamber. It’s funny that at the hospital he screamed and fought it. Here at home he actually bends his face towards the chamber for me and sits still, breathing the medicine in calmly.

We were all extremely happy to be home, the little man seemed especially pleased. He immediately began playing with his toys. Didn’t take him long to fall asleep and he slept soundly for three hours in his crib. He started eating solids again in the afternoon. The doctors can’t say for sure if it is asthma but it looks that way. The way he explained it was that at this age it’s really tough to diagnose asthma so his diagnosis is Bronchiolitis with a strong suspicion of Asthma. My Dad and I have hay fever and seasonal allergies and I have eczema. These two conditions are connected to asthma apparently so that makes it even more likely.

I’m going to a concert tonight, Fleetwood Mac. My best friend and I have been waiting for months. Now that the day is here I find my anxiety is awful and it’s only 9am. I guess it’s going to be an Ativan type of day.

Happily back at home

Happily back at home

February 20th, 2013

My jaw is trying to explode again. Feels like someone is jabbing an icepick into the bottom left spot where the wisdom tooth used to be. Starting to wonder if I should go to the dentist. It’s not just the one spot that hurts, the other side hurts in the same spot as do the joints themselves.

Okay. Moderately productive day. Didn’t get to laze around as much as I wanted but I got some good down time in. Since I took some painkillers at 5am when the Little Man woke us up around 9am I wasn’t feeling too bad in the pain department. Just tired. Hands are doing the dry, cracking, bleeding thing. Doesn’t matter how much or what kind of moisturiser I put on. I’m thinking of putting on some of my steroid cream before bed. Here’s to hoping the little guy goes to sleep soon.

Today: Naproxen x 1, Acetemetophen & Methacarbanol (a muscle relaxer) x 1, Wellbutrin 300mg, Lyrica 150mg, Cipralex 20mg, Cymbalta 30mg


January 30th, 2013

I’m in a really bad way right now. It’s been awhile since I felt this bad. The wet and cold weather hasn’t been helping much. I think what really did it was a combo of the last two days. I went to the chiropractor yesterday, been going for a few weeks, working on my upper back. I like to go once every few years to get everything popped back into place. After this though I might never go again. He “adjusted” my cervical spine, which I have never had done in my life. It hurt. A lot. And it hurt a lot this morning. I felt awful when I woke up. High pain levels, about an 8. I had to go out in the afternoon though to see the eye doctor to check my contacts and order a years supply. I thought the Man was going to be home before I had to leave but he was still stuck at work. This wouldn’t have been so bad if he had not forgotten the stroller in the trunk. I had to take the Little Man with me in the carrier, so I had an extra 18 pounds anchored around my neck and upper body. The Man did pick us up from the mall though. Needless to say I felt pretty awful by the time we got home. Making dinner pretty much finished me off. Even after taking my nightly meds (75mg Lyrica, 30mg Cipralex & 400mg Plaquenil) as well as one Naproxen and two AC&C (Acetaminophen with caffeine and codeine) my pain levels are sitting at an 11. Have also been getting numbness and having my left arm fall asleep randomly. This means my nerve compression is back in full force. Just waiting for the little guy to get tired enough to fall asleep.

Lyrica 75mg x 2, Wellbutrin 300mg x 1, AC&C x 4, Naproxen x 1, Voltaren Emulgel x 1, Plaquenil 200mg x 2, Cipralex x 30mg

December 18th, 2012

Back from the dead so to speak, once again. The little man is keeping me very busy. I can’t believe he will be seven months old in a week. He has two teeth already and is teething like mad which makes him very clingy and sometimes a little screaming terror. He is the light of my life though.

It’s cold and dreary. This of course wreaks havoc on my joints. The plaquenil is definitely helping but it’s not like it goes away entirely. I have had some really intense stabbing pains in my fingers and wrists. Both joints in the thumb and the middle knuckles of the pointer, middle and ring finger of both hands. The infamous “T Zone” is really bad. Not as bad as it was, I think the drugs might be working for that too. I also have an exercise the physiotherapist showed me that helps ease the burning/numb feeling. Two doses of Tylenol Arthritis a day is necessary on top of the prescription drugs. I tested the theory a few weeks ago, which I do from time to time to see if I can just run on the prescriptions, it was a bad idea. I will wait until the weather is nice and warm before I even think about trying that again. The usual pain and dull ache in the major joints, certain movements cause a stabbing sensation in my upper back now that actually takes my breath away. Nausea, headaches, anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, the cold that will not end. And speaking of cold there is the cold toes. So cold they hurt, which of course refuse to warm up. Once I do get them warmed up if I uncover them or walk around too long without slippers they go right back to the frozen state. Appetite is minimal. Weight loss is coming slowly. My period is back to it’s usual trying to kill me mode. TMI ALERT: heavy clotted flow for almost the whole week….ugh. I have started getting flaky red spots on my eyebrows and my skull, with full on scaling at times. Looks like psoriasis, told the doc what it looked like (of course it went away by the time I got to the office) and he agreed that’s what it sounded like. It’s coming back again so I’m going to get pictures. Pretty much nails the arthritis down to psoriatic.

That being said the little man keeps me happy. I just snuggle him or play with him and it helps immensely. Doesn’t help with getting out of the house though. I know I really need to get out but it’s hard to get motivated. He needs to get out too but with the weather it’s hard to get around. My usual habit of walking around the mall is impossible right now, too many people, makes for panic attacks, and I have to ativan left. I may feel awful a good portion of the time but life is still good. I have friends and family I love, a roof over my head and food in the cupboards.

And this….

Fin's 1st Remembrance Day

August 1st, 2012

Seems fitting that on the first day of a new month that I start a new regimen for pain management. My breast milk production has gotten low enough that I don’t need to pump to feel comfortable. The little guy has also gone to spend the day with his Babcia and Dziadek (that’s Grandma and Grandpa in Polish which are my husband’s parents). I figured I would take this as the opportunity I needed to get things on the go. So today I have started Lyrica and I also am trying Voltaren Emulgel. The Lyrica might make me sleepy so I thought it would be good to try it with Fin gone. With the Voltaren I can’t touch him for 2-3 hours after I put it on and I have to make sure I wash my hands first. Seems to be helping a wee bit already. I’m hoping if I can get a few applications of it in today I will be able to bring some of the inflammation down in my knuckles and wrist a bit so when I am alone with Fin I can handle it a bit better until Rob gets home and can take care of him for the few hours I need to let the medication soak in.

The handful of pills I just took, what I like to sarcastically call “breakfast” was as follows:
1 x 300mg Extended Release Wellbutrin, 2 x Tylenol 1’s, 1 x Naproxen, 1 x 75mg Lyrica (I will be taking two doses a day), 1 x folic acid, 1 x fish oil, 2 x Vit D.
At last some of it is supplements.
Oh yes, and 1 application if Voltaren on both hands and wrists as well as the dreaded “T-zone”.

What hurts today? Well it would be easier to tell you what doesn’t hurt, but here’s the run down at this point in the day. Wrists, hands and T-zone are the worst. Hips, knees and ankles are a close second. Then the usual all over muscle ache and tenderness. It’s been about three days since my hands got REALLY bad. Monday I could barely use them, the only reason Fin got cared for properly was because Rob was home. Otherwise I would have had to call my Mom. Yesterday was a wee bit better. Running around on transit with the stroller made them super angry again today. Broken glass feeling in the knuckles and wrists. Pain that radiates out in either direction from the joints so the whole hand hurts, pain radiates out from the wrists so that it almost feels like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. My right hip/knee/ankle seems considerably worse then the left side. My toes hurt, which is always a weird feeling. And they are cold. Hands are the opposite, they are warm.

I will update later to fill in the rest of the day since it’s still early.


Meds: 1 x Wellbutrin, 1 x Lyrica, 4 x T1’s, 1 x Naproxen, 1 x Voltaren application

Supplements: 1 x fish oil, 1 x folic acid, 2 x Vit D

Pain: 9

Mood: 7.5

July 14th, 2012

Spent the day at a friends place, it’s nice to spend time with other folks who have kids. Also nice to talk with a fellow Fibro friend, I know she really understands. Very tired now and sore. This humidity is killing me. Hands are the worst as usual. Wearing my theraputic gloves to bed in the hopes it will make them a bit more functional.

I’ve finally got the whole breastfeeding thing down. I pump off the more painful breast and nurse him with the other. I’m going to try a few things before going back on my high level meds. We go see the GP on Friday for Fin’s two month shots so I’m going to see if I can get some T3’s and possibly some Indocid. I had the Indocid in the hospital and for a few weeks afterwards and it worked better then the Naproxen. I’m not ready to give up on breastfeeding yet. I want to at least make it to his three month birthday. Samhain preferably.

T zone hurts a lot, as do the rest of my joints. I think the rain is coming.

Time for me to sleep.

Meds: 4 T1’s, 2 Naproxen, 300mg Wellbutrin, 20mg Cipralex

Supplements: 2 fish oil, 2 Vit D, 1 folic acid, 1 maternity vit (almost done the bottle, then onto regular multi-vit)

Pain: 7-8

Mood: 7

July 12th, 2012

It’s quite a lovely morning. Went out to get the mail a little while ago. My little man’s pictures arrived and they are amazing. This brightens my day.

I didn’t sleep well, this heat is killing me. I seem to be uncomfortable and in pain regardless of the weather now. It’s hot and humid which makes it almost impossible for me to sleep. I fell asleep holding Fintan and wound up with my neck at a right angle so now it hurts a lot. Couple that with the fact he’s getting heavier the T area is returning to it’s painful self. The deep throbbing pain, burning and tense feeling is back and strong today. Shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists also have that deep flu like ache. My hands are very painful and claw like. The joints are having stabbing pains that shoot down into my hands and wrists. It’s not an enjoyable feeling. Hips, knees and ankles are moderately painful. Today will be a resting day for sure. Hopefully will be able to get to some crochet and some scrapbooking. At the very least I should be able to read. Will update later.

Pain: 9.5
Meds: 1 x T1
Mood: 6

July 8th, 2012

Why hello dear readers! I am alive and relatively well. Feels good to be back writing again.

My little man is finally here, he was born three weeks early, weighing 6lbs 15oz, after 40 hours of labour and an emergency c-section. It’s a long and rather complicated story which I will get into at a later date. I can’t stay awake long enough right now to finish that story. He is the most amazing little guy though and I am so happy he is finally here.

I’m exhausted. I fall asleep sitting up all the time. Obviously a lot of that has to do with taking care of a six week old baby but not all of it . Holding, carrying, changing and so on are becoming increasingly more difficult the heavier he gets. The pain in my shoulders/neck/upper back is beginning to flare pretty badly. My fingers swell to twice their size. My hips, while feeling looser, get very painful after walking around for a bit, as well as my feet.

I will write more later. I just fell asleep sitting up, hehe!


2 x Tylenol 1’s