Heat Wave and Disappointments

Ugh. That is the word of the day. It’s hot, we are having a heat wave this weekend. Highs in the 30C area, at night it’s about 15-20C. Wreaks havoc with my chronic illness. The kids had a rough week, the older is still having sleeping/eating/meltdown issues as well as teething (he lost his first tooth and the adult tooth replacing it is coming in fast), the younger is teething and growing so eating and waking a lot. My Mom brought me her old mobility scooter now that we’ve moved and have the space to store it, that’s been very helpful. It helped me get out to see her yesterday for her birthday. It’s now been a week since my surgery, healing is slow as I expected it to be (there’s a whole post in the works for that). I’m having issues getting up and down the stairs today. We got a good walk in though to loosen things up. There is a family gathering tonight that I completely forgot about that we aren’t going to. This has upset people greatly. I hate how taking care of myself leads to unhappiness and disappointment in others, let alone myself. I’m enjoying the time with my husband and kids today but I’m really unhappy about people being unhappy with me for taking care of myself. Well they aren’t unhappy with me personally, at least I hope not. Just sad about the situation. Thing is this same person gives me crap for not getting enough rest and self care and whatnot. Just feels like I can’t make anyone happy, least of all myself.
I’m seriously considering medication for depression again. Probably Wellbutrin since it will help with the smoking. I also need something for my Fibromyalgia, and need to discuss my worsening joint pain and such. My rheumatologist moved my May appointment to August. It will be almost a year between appointments. I am not pleased with my current quality of care. I can’t even find a family doctor close to my new home, I don’t think finding a new rheumatologist is going to be any easier. I need a vacation from life or something. 

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August 4th 2015

The majority of the medications I have stopped are now clear of my system. We’ve just past the three month half-life mark of Plaquenil. From what I’ve read, the remaining 50% will now leave my body at an exponential rate. My mind is too tired to go looking for the specifics. 

I HURT. I ache. My joints have a hot demonic pulse; Filled with broken glass. Once I get moving, with a brace on each ankle and my left wrist(sometimes the rift too), I feel a smudge better. As soon as I sit down though it’s just a matter of time before the full brunt of the pain returns. I’m taking Tylenol Arthritis, I need to get to the doctor and get my Tylenol 3’s refilled. The acetemetophen dulls the pain but barely touches it. Basically makes it so I don’t cry off and on throughout the day. The opiates takes a bigger bite out of it.

The braces on my ankles I wear for preventative measures mostly. They are just elastic material. Decent quality. My right ankle is still weak from the really bad sprain months back. My left will start to hurt constantly if I don’t wear the brace on that side. I take them off when I get home. If I wear one on my right wrist it’s the same sort of bandage.

My left wrist is another matter altogether. I pulled out “the big guns” about a week ago. It is an immobilizing brace. It has metal plates in it, for Hermes sake! The Cyst of Doom is being REALLY pissy though so I look kind of bionic at the moment. 

   
 
I can’t even take this one off at home. I keep it on until bedtime. I also think the cyst has gotten bigger.

   
   
My Fibro trigger points are VERY sensitive right now. I feel pretty down about it because my three year old son gets excited and jumps on me or pokes at me and I wince and gasp and yelp and it scares it. 😦 

Fuck you craptastic body.

Mini Post -BLARG!

Starting to feel a little sketchy…day four(or is it five?)…without Paxil because my new doctor will not refill it over the fax like my previous one did. I understand with Lyrica(which I’m happy to report I am managing relatively well without) but this is a psych med. Yes let’s deny the patient their brain medication, that’s a great idea. I REALLY hope I can get into the walk in clinic today.