Funny How Things Change

Sometimes baffled and amused by this, sometimes it makes me ugly cry. 
Less than ten years ago I was working six days a week at St. Paul’s Hospital; Five of those days were spent baking about 500 muffins a day(from scratch), loaves(like lemon and banana) and every other week you’d throw on cookies and crisps and such. That sixth day I was working culinary, cooking the lunch and dinner for the patients.

Now?

I struggle to make cookies from pre-fab rolls. Bye mostly assembled gingerbread houses for my son to decorate. I used to make wedding cakes. I don’t think I could pipe a straight line anymore to save my life.

Fuck you, Arthritis 

My hands don’t look much different on the outside, they are sneaky lying bastards.

 

Hair Cut

So this happened. The original undercut was done by a professional. Over the last week I’ve gone up higher underneath, trimmed it RIGHT back, then hit the sides up this morning.

  
Besides taking a deal of weight off of my head, and in turn my spine, it has other nifty uses. I can do this.

   

    
 This makes my little trans heart all kinds of happy. But because my gender is fluid and I have as many female days as male, I made sure I could still do this. Because, you know, nothing about me has ever been simple or static.
I’m like Superman.

*silly smiles*

   

Life as of Now

My body is clear of ALL medications, minus acetemetophen and naproxen. I simultaneously feel amazing and on the verge of hospitalization; It’s been ten years since I hit an ER for any of my chronic conditions, I’d like to keep it that way. The nerve related pain in my neck/spine is literally vomit inducing. In the last 24 hours, the angry beast that is my digestive system, has once again reared it’s ugly head. Granted the last few days have been particularly stressful, the little one fell seriously ill. What that did though was give me something to focus on. While I’m sitting at 11-12/10 pain levels I am pleased. My writing brain is firing up again. My anxiety is there but manageable. I have lots of thinky thoughts to write down. Will write as I am able, thus neck thing is pretty all consuming. It’s the kind of pain that actually knocks me out. I had a good half hour of blackness this afternoon. It’s not unconsciousness but I think it’s pretty damn close. There will be trips to the chiropractor, I’m terrified. I can’t even explain how much it hurts to have my neck adjusted. I know it needs it though. I’ve heard the indicating “crunch” of the vertebrae in question a couple times in the last few months. I will be working on getting a new GP and getting the issue looked into. It’s the site of my first real major industry. I was in a rear end car accident around the age of 11-12. Some pretty serious whip lash. So yeah good times.