May 1st, 2012

First off wishing a Blessed Beltaine to all!

Secondly, yes I am alive and relatively well.

I’ve been up since 1 a.m. so if I seem a little random that’s why. Sleep has become elusive. I’m exhausted. Unbelievably so at times. But I’m averaging about four hours a night at the moment. I’ve also started waking up in the middle of the night again. Every few days though I will sleep for like 8-10 hours. When I am awake I do try to be constructive, like writing and such, but it just seems so hard. My brain is all foggy. It’s like Fibro Fog on steroids. I have managed to get the baby’s room essentially set up with the help of Rob, Ashley, and my Mum. It’s just a matter of going through a few more boxes of crap that I moved to the bedroom. My nesting instinct turned into nesting PANIC, hehe.

My hands swell A LOT these days. A lot more redness in them as well. There was always swelling and redness before but now it’s almost scary. Seems the worst at night, I’ll wake up to hit the loo and my hands will be huge and completely red from fingertips to wrists. Seems to go down a bit once I get them moving in the morning. If I do a lot of work with my hands though I can almost watch them swell. I’m sure pregnancy has something to do with this. We shall see how much it subsides after. My feet are also starting to swell. It feels like they are flattening as well. Which is an interesting feeling seeming as how I already have fallen arches. Needless to say this makes my knees angry. I’m sure the extra 25 lbs I’m carrying around is also a major cause. My hips/pelvis/lower back get extremely painful, as does the areas where the round ligaments in my low abdomen and such are. When I walk I have to make sure I take a lot of sit breaks. My knees, calves and feet get very painful very fast. They also cramp up in no time. They do that when I stretch too. And the foot cramps! Oh my Gods! I’ve never felt anything like that in my life! The t-zone in my upper back is being overshadowed most of the time by everything else. There are at least three days out of the week though where it flares up really bad. My entire back aches. My right side is particularly painful because baby has decided that is the most comfortable spot. There’s ALL this room on the left but apparently it’s not good enough, hehe!

Speaking of the baby everything is going very well. My womb was measuring large but that seems to have settled itself. Baby seems to be happily settled into it’s almost birth position. Head down low, back curving along my right side, butt right underneath my right breast and DIGGING into my spine (thanks baby!), arms and legs all aflutter on the left side. We have argument’s now, the baby and I. It feels like the baby is trying to escape out of my spine so I give a gentle push to the left which helps immensely. Baby will shove back. Or move over and then five minutes later go back to the usual spot and haul off and kick my right side and spine. It’s no surprise I suppose, given the child’s parents! I am 34 weeks and three days (approx.), birth is looming. Part of me dreads it, partly because I HATE hospitals with an passion and because once the baby is born then I have to share. Another part wants the baby out so I can meet the child and find out if it’s a girl or a boy so I can stop calling it random names, but also because my body is getting very unhappy about all this. I worry I won’t be able to breast feed. There is a very god chance I will have to go back on my heavy meds right away just so I can care for the baby. I’m hoping I can take some lower level ones that will allow me to keep breastfeeding.

That’s all for now, I think it is time for a nap.

OH! I had a massage appointment last week, it was fantastic. I have another this week!

Pain: 8