January 16th, 2012

For any of the new readers, a general rule is that when I don’t post for a few days it is because I am feeling really bad.

I love the snow. It’s so pretty. This may sound a little strange but I had forgotten what it did to my body. I’ve had chronic pain since I was 15. I’ve dealt with it in some not so smart ways, and thankfully now, much more proper and healthy ways. The last three years or so I have been using some pretty heavy duty medications from my doctors. They made it possible for me to get up, go to work, behave like a “normal” functioning member of the work force. Now that I have been unable to have my meds for four months I have discovered a few things. The first one being that if I have to take heavy medication to do something I shouldn’t be doing it. Like cyclobenzaprine. The second being that it is not possible for me to return to the workforce. I will not heavily medicate with a child in the house. Breastfeeding or not. The third being that I like clear headed. It’s been quite some time since I have felt this clear headed. Even being clean and sober for quite some time now, the drugs that the doctors gave me still made me foggy. Unless it is absolutely necessary I don’t plan on taking them. I am willing to take the T1’s more readily after the baby is born but if I have to live my life drugged…well…it’s not really living is it?

The last three days have been rough. And getting rougher as the cold really sets in. The “t” zone as well as hands/fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles, toes, and I swear every vertebrae throbs. The “t” as well as my shoulders is the worst. My exercises are helping minimally, as is stretching. I have physio on Wednesday morning so hopefully that will ease things up a bit. If things are like this tomorrow I may break down and take half a T1. I need to get some things down around the house. Appetite hasn’t been very good either. I’ve still been eating but it’s more of a force feed.

I’m off to eat some dinner, do some stretching and probably fall back asleep.

Pain Management/Meds: 3 ES Tylenol, 2 Wellbutrin, 15mg Cipralex, Heating Pad

Supplements: 1 Vit D, 1 Prenatal, 1 Omega3

Pain: 9-10

Mood: 6

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2 thoughts on “January 16th, 2012

  1. I’m so glad you’re getting to that place!

    Normal doesn’t mean the same to everyone and expecting that your normal includes medicating yourself to death to appeal to someone else’s version? That seems incredibly cruel to me. People that know and love you will accept your new normal. People that don’t accept your new normal don’t love you and certainly don’t deserve to know you.

    Gentle squishes, and bundle up tonight – it’s supposed to get really terribly cold tonight.

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