November 26th, 2011

I’m feeling extremely cranky this morning. And emotional. Mantra for the ride to work, “Don’t cry on the bus.”.

Why am I working you say? After my rather angry posts about refusing to do so? Because I need a letter from a rheumatologist stating that I have a “severe and prolonged” condition that will not get better. My current rheumatologist is a bloody idiot and says I’m fine, that I just need to exercise. I’ve been trying to go see a new one for almost a year and still haven’t managed to get in yet. I did take a couple glorious weeks off. But then the car freaked out and our financial situation grew dire. Between my misguided sense of…I don’t know what to call it…guilt over being a burden I guess and pressure from family sources(I will not name names), I let myself be goaded back to work. A max of 20 hours a week, usually 10-15. As the weather here turns from bad to worse though my body is throwing up the white flag. I’m really done this time. The issue is my sense of guilt and the people who pray upon that weakness.

Anyways. Spine and all major joints as well as the small joints in my fingers feel like they have glass in them…hot crunchy glass. I’m exhausted and am now discovering the joy of dibilitating hip pain.

**Update: Mood considerably better, pain levels not so much. Work will be done soon.

Meds: 2 Wellbutrin, 1 folic acid, 2 ES tylenol

Pain: 8

Mood: 5-6