September 21st, 2011

The monsoons are upon us. It hasn’t started pouring yet, but rainy season is pretty much on our heads. I can feel it in my bones.

I feel pretty miserable at the moment. The “no pain killer” experiment ended a couple days ago. I can’t function at work without them. Which in and of itself means I shouldn’t be working. I just need to keep going for a few more months. Well, maybe a year? I see my GP on Friday. I’m going to talk to him about how I’ve been feeling mentally and physically. A very dear family friend gave me the information for her RA Specialist. The other doctor that another dear friend mentioned hasn’t even called me back. It’s almost been a year. So I’m going to try another one. I am hoping to get documentation of my “prolonged and severe” discomfort. You’re almost guaranteed to get on CPP if you can get that in your documentation. And then it takes another 6 months to hear back from them apparently. I can at least get the ball rolling. I think I’ve been avoiding it for so long because I don’t want to be “disabled” before I even hit my 30’s. But I can’t hide it anymore, I can’t deny it to myself or others. I have to stop working or risk some sort of other medical disaster from the meds I have to take just to get out out of the house in the morning. Or a mental breakdown for that matter. I’ve realized through trial and error that if I DON’T want to get fired from my job for panicking over every little detail I will have to take two doses of Ativan daily. All the deep breathing and positive thinking in the world was not working to quell the urge to hide under my desk in the fetal position and cry.

I actually slept through the night. On one hand it’s good cuz I’m not feeling quite so dumb, maybe Zombie Stage 3 instead of 5(I love you Dad!). On the other it really sucks because it took a Celebrex a few hours before bed, as well as the usual dose of  cyclobenzaprine, cipralex, and 9mg of melatonin to achieve it. And as I lay curled up against my hubby’s side, drifting off, the twitches returned. What my GP is calling “restless leg syndrome”. Although it does happen in my arms and shoulders too, but mainly the legs/hips. This awful clench and release that makes the rest of my body shudder because it HURTS. I didn’t notice them before, I guess the sleeping pills were taking me under deep enough that I didn’t remember. I remember my honey whispering to me last night as I floated between sleep and consciousness, “Are you taking your meds again? This is the first time this has happened in about 3 days.”, which I replied yes too. So he told me to take all my pillows out from under my head and just lay on my back and it helped.

See the last week, not dosing myself like I was, stopped a lot of the tremors/spasms. I was taking the minimum of all my meds. 2 Wellbutrin, 15mg Cipralex, and one Cyclobenzaprine. The down side of this was I’ve felt like death. The burning type pain just kept getting worse. So yesterday I took 3 Cyclobenzaorine(My back/shoulder/neck woke me up at 3:30am), and one Celebrex when I got home. along with the anti-depressants. And lo and behold the twitching started again. Today I’m trying a different route. the Usual Suspects(my daily min doses) and one Celebrex in the morning. When I get home tonight I will lay on the couch with the heating pad and not take anymore than that. And hopefully that will alleviate some of my discomfort without having freaky random twitches and spasms when I try to go to bed.

What hurts: burning pain shifting in intensity along the “t” (the neck/upper spine, shoulders), focused mainly on my left shoulder and radiating out from there. Sore hips, arms, hands/wrists/fingers.

UPDATE

Too tired to write.

Meds: 2 Wellbutrin, 1 Celebrex, 2 Adivan, 1 Cyclobenzaprine, 15mg Cipralex

Supplements: 4,000 iU Vit D, 4 digestive enzyme, 9mg Melatonin

Pain: 8-9

Stiffness: 7

Mood: 3-5

Weather: cloudy, expecting rain, 101.54kPa, RAIN

Food: 2 pkgs(4 pcs) coconut milk rice crackers, I cant remember

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