August 23rd, 2011

Woke up stiff and exhausted. Feeling sad, melancholy I think is the right word. Nothing is horrendously painful yet. I wish I could stop feeling so blah. I do make an effort every day to think positive, it just gets tiring having to remind myself EVERY SINGLE DAY. Anyways. I’m not going ramble on about how out of sorts I feel today. I’m off to work.

Update

Home from work. Feeling out of sorts still. I don’t think working a basic office job like this should stress me out so much. But I highly doubt I qualify for benefits like CPP at this point. If my Mum can’t get CPP with her crazy back, I don’t know how I’m going to. I’ve been doing Primerica appointments but they seem more exhausting than my actual work. And to make the equivalent of what I am right now I would have to work almost as much as I do now with my 9-5 job, if not more. *sighs*

My plan at the moment is to work for as long as I can, I’m going to try to make it through a year of this job. If I can do that then the bills should be paid off or down enough so I don’t have to work. It’s rather depressing that I can’t seem to do this job either. I can’t remember shit. Like nothing. I say hello on the phone and the client will give me their name and about 1 second later my mind is blank. Or Ill answer a call for the Chef or the Catering Manager and from the time I ask the persons name and why they are calling, to putting them on hold, then calling whoever I need to for the call I forget almost EVERYTHING. I don;t know if I’m being overly sensitive but sometimes I really feel that they think I’m stupid. It’s just a tone of voice sometimes, or a look. I don’t know. Apparently I think everyone is the enemy and is out to get me. And I try to remind myself that they aren’t but then I just fall back into that happy depressive state, “Everything’s Fine! Everything’s fine!”, so on and so forth.

I was generally stiff all day, the inflammation in my right shoulder flaring up in the early afternoon like it usually does. A few dizzy moments, but that may have been from the adivan. I fought off crying randomly throughout the day. Was very sore all over on the way home, developed a bad headache with shoulder/neck/back pain right after I left work. Laying down on the couch and eating dinner has helped a bit.

Time for me to sleep though. Until tomorrow dear readers.

Meds: 2 wellbutrin, 1 folic acid, 2000 iu Vit D, 1 naproxen, 1 cyclobenzaprine, 2 melatonin, 15mg Cipralex

Pain: 6-8

Mood: 5-6

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