1 February 2016

Fibro Pain: 8-9
Arthritis Pain: 5-6

Joints were only mildly cranky, mostly due to work. Fibro pain was bad today. A few light headed moments. Had a late walk and missed my bus, watched it drive by as I was painfully trying to book it up the stairs. I just about burst into tears. When I got up the last flight my wonderful hubby and the child were waiting for me to drive me home. SO happy to see them. My mid-spine is quite painful today. I’ve never been sure if that pain is FM or PA related. I discovered this evening that I have lost the ability to use a mortar and pestle. I know I can pick up an electric grinder for like $10 but it’s not about the ease of which I can replace using my hands; It’s about the fact it’s one more thing I’ve lost the ability to do with my hands. I am displeased but too tired and worn out to really get bent out of shape about it. I’m VERY slowly putting together a batch of banana-carrot-zucchini muffins, and by slowly I mean I started an hour ago. *silly face* They will be good when they are finally done. Hanging out with my son is great. I don’t get to see him nearly enough right now. Last week I did routine blood tests ordered by my rheumatologist. I think they are just to make sure all my organs are happy since I am generally on medication at all times. I’m supposed to get them done every six months but I haven’t gotten them done in about a year. My GP’s office called today to come in and talk about it, so I go do that tomorrow. I don’t think there is actually anything to worry about. My rheumatologist put me back on Plaquenil after I stopped it on the advice of my GP about 9 months ago. Said in my case it is more stressful on my body and worse for conception/pregnancy to be off than on. There have been rare cases of children born with some hearing loss. I’m back on it though and very happy about it. A few more weeks and I’ll start to feel some real difference in pain levels. New studies have also pointed to anti-inflammatories causing issues with egg implantation, rheumatoloist said it’s not anything to worry about with folks who get pregnant easily but since I do have issues with that we have taken off of any anti-inflammatory drugs.

I think that’s all the new info.

30 January 2016

I’m too tired to write out all the things I need to but wanted to check in. I’ve waited far too long to take my second dose of painkillers and my brain is mush. I know better than to push back drug times just because I’m feeling okay. Today was a rough day mentally. Physically I’m mostly exhausted. Except for the last hour where the pulse of pain throbbing along my nerves has steadily increased. I’ve realized I’m lumping all my pain together again so in the future I will be changing the format of my posts to clarify things a bit. The child needs to go to bed too, it’s actually past his bed time. I’m too sore and tired to move.

Fuck you Fibromyalgia. And fuck you shitty economy that forces me to work. And fuck you arthritis while I’m at it.

A lot of changes are coming. Hopefully it will all work out and I will feel a bit better and will have more time to write and such.

Much love. 💜🙏🏻

A Call to Action from Marcy’s Mike

My late wife Marcy liked to describe herself as a ‘kick-ass community organizer’. We met doing the work of speaking up for social justice and progressive values in rural Oregon, where Marcy founded the Rural Organizing Project. Here’s how I would compare us: If I was a pretty good basketball player in neighborhood pick-up games, […]

http://livinglydying.com/2016/01/20/a-call-to-action-from-marcys-mike/

Mini Update-Jan 7 2016

Pain levels have been around the 12-14 level for three days. Can’t afford NOT to work. I REALLY need to get school organized. I’ve been on the verge of tears for three days. My New Years resolution to quit while ahead and stop smoking after about a week has failed. I’m still only smoking four or five a day, which compared to my previous level of AT LEAST a pack is pretty good. I know in the long run it’s not helping but it’s that or I literally break things, and lose my shit. Like hysterics. I have a job to go to, a family(myself included) to take care of, I don’t have the luxery of losing my shit right now. Although I’m sure it’s not helping in the trying to conceive department. Speaking of work, off I go. Much love. 💜

Funny How Things Change

Sometimes baffled and amused by this, sometimes it makes me ugly cry. 
Less than ten years ago I was working six days a week at St. Paul’s Hospital; Five of those days were spent baking about 500 muffins a day(from scratch), loaves(like lemon and banana) and every other week you’d throw on cookies and crisps and such. That sixth day I was working culinary, cooking the lunch and dinner for the patients.

Now?

I struggle to make cookies from pre-fab rolls. Bye mostly assembled gingerbread houses for my son to decorate. I used to make wedding cakes. I don’t think I could pipe a straight line anymore to save my life.

Fuck you, Arthritis 

My hands don’t look much different on the outside, they are sneaky lying bastards.